Food Wasted On Me

After a week of not eating, chewing has become a real chore. It's exhausting and pointless. Especially when you're not the least bit hungry or appetised by any thoughts of food. Even when I felt a tiny bit of hunger, the first few seconds of chewing would take a toll on my jaw muscles and I would rather stop eating than to tire my mouth out.

Argh! A week of fever (devoid of meds and drugs, and food) has changed me somewhat. I am no longer a foodie. Though I never really was; I hated to waste food but I was never fussy with flavours. I could eat something that everyone hated the taste of or even doubted the freshness of, just because I hated to waste it. I am constantly reminded of my starving days so I would eat it gratefully, knowing that this could save a life. If only I could get the food to those who need it most at the time. It irks me when people throw perfectly good nutrition away. Just because it doesn't taste good or fresh anymore, or simply cos "I won't eat the same thing twice a day".

Of course, I am no judge or authority but my opinions are simple. Count your blessings and stop being so spoilt and stubborn, I'd say. Exchange places with a starving mother in a war torn country and let's see you complain that the milk expired yesterday or that you think the chicken is bland. Seriously?

Anyhow, I was happy to leave a tiny carbon footprint over the week. Less food and gas were utilised on my insignificant existence. I was not even hungry. It was awesome actually, to know I can still exist and stay alive with so little resources. I don't see why I shouldn't win Survivor. I don't think it was ideal for my health but who the hell am I to deserve more than an innocent starving refugee struggling in the cold? Eating extravagantly almost feels like I am laughing in their faces. That's probably just me. But I feel sick wasting food knowing this. :(

That said, I am going to try to eat again (how frivolous and wasteful!), despite the fact it's so damn tiring and not even appreciated by my lousy taste buds and tummy now. I sincerely wish I could give the food I am encouraged to eat to a poor family. It is precisely because I treasure food and hate wasting it that I honestly don't want any of it right now. It's wasted on my dead taste buds and lack of appetite. All food does to me now is fill me with guilt, shame and self-disgust.

Now I feel guilty for not wanting precious food but I would feel more sinful forcing myself to eat when my body obviously doesn't want or need it. Argggghhhh!