My Secret Blog
I have long called this my secret blog. And yes, in so many ways, it is. Oh well, of course it damned well is in one way. A secret is a secret in just one way. It isn't shared.
This also prevents me from self-censorship (although I naturally remain somewhat vague in case someone I know stumbles upon it). I enjoy looking back at old posts from a few years back to laugh at how I used to think. Sometimes, it can be funny or nostalgic though. Sometimes, I am glad I have grown thus far. And sometimes... I miss myself. My old happy, idealistic and carefree self. Where did this person go?
In a world where so many people are publicly displaying their lives, airing their grievances on social media and posting endless streams of photos of themselves, or otherwise known as selfies, it seems to me that a little privacy is a precious and guarded treasure. Somehow, I know I like anchoring myself and my identity to my inner voice. So I avoid sharing too much, knowing it can be dissected and criticised by others. That does not bother me as much as when I meet them and they start giving me unsolicited advice. There are times when whatever I am going through is really a non issue. And there are times when what I am feeling is very difficult and anyone else's take on it is simply... unacceptable, or even appears to be insensitive, arrogant or flippant.
Still waters run deep, some say. Some also say, "I can't figure you out." Well, I'm not for you to figure out. I am not a math problem, a quiz, or a puzzle. I'm heart and soul and evolving every second. I will be different tomorrow and no one else can keep up with who I am. Some days, I rediscover who I am by accident. I never try to define myself because it is vain, futile and pointless to me. It also seems to stem from insecurity and a need to be accepted by using terms and descriptions coined by other human beings. So there. My secret blog knows just about enough and who I really am and will be... is what I will someday realise, gladly and with ease.
This also prevents me from self-censorship (although I naturally remain somewhat vague in case someone I know stumbles upon it). I enjoy looking back at old posts from a few years back to laugh at how I used to think. Sometimes, it can be funny or nostalgic though. Sometimes, I am glad I have grown thus far. And sometimes... I miss myself. My old happy, idealistic and carefree self. Where did this person go?
In a world where so many people are publicly displaying their lives, airing their grievances on social media and posting endless streams of photos of themselves, or otherwise known as selfies, it seems to me that a little privacy is a precious and guarded treasure. Somehow, I know I like anchoring myself and my identity to my inner voice. So I avoid sharing too much, knowing it can be dissected and criticised by others. That does not bother me as much as when I meet them and they start giving me unsolicited advice. There are times when whatever I am going through is really a non issue. And there are times when what I am feeling is very difficult and anyone else's take on it is simply... unacceptable, or even appears to be insensitive, arrogant or flippant.
Still waters run deep, some say. Some also say, "I can't figure you out." Well, I'm not for you to figure out. I am not a math problem, a quiz, or a puzzle. I'm heart and soul and evolving every second. I will be different tomorrow and no one else can keep up with who I am. Some days, I rediscover who I am by accident. I never try to define myself because it is vain, futile and pointless to me. It also seems to stem from insecurity and a need to be accepted by using terms and descriptions coined by other human beings. So there. My secret blog knows just about enough and who I really am and will be... is what I will someday realise, gladly and with ease.
posted by yeriller at 9:49 PM
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