This Dimension

I'm bogged down with a heavy head, sleepy eyes, blocked nose... pretty much a cold. How do you get hold of someone who's never around? I feel like I can just ignore this completely and be happy, but I do need to really settle considerable issues.

What scares me a little too is the fact that often people feel something but can't quantify it, or identify it. Then one day they'll turn around and say, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake. This was never love."

I know. I've done that once and am very regretful about being such an evil heartless selfish bitch. I'm not sure if I truly felt that way, but I said that. There really was no relationship at all. I know I would never do it again and have been very careful since.

It doesn't keep me from wondering if someone else could be doing this, innocently, unknowingly. Reminds me vaguely of a 1947 song written by Deborah Chessler:

Does he love me
It's too soon to know
Can I believe him
When he tells me so
And is he fooling
Is this all a game
Am I the fire
Or just another flame

What if he doesn't realise what his true feelings are? Maybe it was loneliness and anyone could've been the one. Anyone willing, anyone who fits, anyone who's around. I'm quite glad it has all worked out in this dimension because this is something I've thought hard about and really want, with all my heart and mind. But I don't know if I could ever really rest my heart. For his happiness, I'm prepared for any changes even if it means a heartbreak. I guess that also means I care a hell lot more than I thought I did. I think it'll keep growing.

Hmmm, just gotta sort it all out in time.

Man, this is silly. This has become a worry log. Wlog.