Goodnight, Me.

Had fun tonight and I believe Catherine did too. She's just the sweetest. Before I forget, I made a new friend in the queue and shook Neil's hand. Hope he likes the goodies we brought him. I'm now thinking of the fox spirit that gave herself up for the monk. I've heard there is no greater love than to die for another. Death isn't the worst thing I can imagine but I wouldn't want to leave anyone who loves me upset. (Anyone loves me upset? Haha.) I am pretty sure I'd die for my family and my faith. Would I die for my current man? I think I might if it had to happen. But I find myself selfishly wondering if this specific man in question would die for me. That's terrible. I've begun to put myself ahead of him now, the man around whom I had built the last four years of my life. How did I become so self-centered and loveless? Who am I to rant about justice now eh?

Now it's finally happening. Now I'm beginning to see and learn the qualities I want in a partner. I always believed what Tonia, a fellow traveller from Australia, told me while we were driving on the west coast. You are still learning so much before you hit 25 or 26. But now I sense it perfectly. I think we humans are ever growing, learning, changing and adapting. I must remember that, and stay objective. Silly. A stubborn part of me thinks I should never allow my heart to get broken. Can I truly love my partner then? I'll worry about that another day.

I must remember to call up the community centres about the badminton courts and the tax department for my forms. And get my money from so many people. Moving Visuals, Body Sutra, GAPL, Spoc. Lyn and Dora are pretty much lost cases but I will get my money back from them one day. What is it with money and me? I'm not bad at earning it but can never seem to collect it. And I'm awful at keeping it. What a fool I am. I'll do better with a farm. I think I have to start making rules for myself not to lend any more money to anyone. It's easy to say that now since I have... none left. I wanted to laugh but I missed my cue.

I have a big long day ahead of me and I haven't even finished; well haven't even started, my supper, so I can't sleep. My mom was so considerate to fry some spring rolls for me. For many reasons, I wish my past was a little different. I am not sure how I'd prefer it but I am also very grateful that all that has come to pass has happened the way it should. I would not be here today in this world, this moment, this state of mind and who knows what else. I'm also immeasurably thankful that God and Greg are with me. Since I won't live forever, I accept the way things are. I'm at peace with the universe. Well, pretty much.