Travelling

I've always enjoyed being in a travelling vehicle. The feeling of motion, the seat, the space, the windows. When I move in one, I feel comfort and contentment, be it in an airplane, train, bus, car or boat.

Now I imagine (and yes no one else has to, but thanks for reading!) that we are all lone travellers in our own vehicles on the roads of life. We can never leave our vehicles but we can wind down the windows. This is simply because the vehicle never stops running. We can steer our vehicles or have someone else do it, with or without our permission. And if we decide not to drive or travel, our vehicles assume automatic pilot and keeps going, perhaps slow, in reverse or in circles, but still on the move. A vehicle will only truly stop when the engine can no longer run. (I haven't figured out if there are traffic lights yet, but definitely no parking lots.)

I see our souls as us in the vehicles. Our bodies as the vehicles. A vehicle will go through all kinds of weather, scenery and events. It and the traveller will pick up items along the way and leave marks where they have been. On the roads, we meet other vehicles and we befriend them, reject them, compete with them, help them, hurt them, learn from them or even love them. In other words, we form opinions or first impressions of other vehicles. Of course, we can also ignore them and be entirely unaffected by them.

And now, even in the literal sense, how often, as we travel, do we look at the other travellers in the vehicles on the road? Especially when we are so busy trying to steer our own or rushing to get somewhere or to get something done? We may send over a glance or two, and often I notice people doing this when they dislike the other vehicles or drivers for having overtaken them or coming up too close to them (or some other trivial reason, though trivial to me may not be to others so apologies for that).

If we get close enough to a vehicle, we may take a longer look into the windows and if the traveller looks back, it may be defensive, nonchalant and sometimes even friendly. Now I doubt we can get a correct or clear idea of this person from just one tiny glance. However, this person (or I; why not?), may come even closer and give me a better view. And then I could roll down my window and say hi sincerely. And there is a chance this person in his or her seemingly guarded vehicle may do the same. Then my soul would have met another.

But many in the realm of logic might say this is not practical. While we have our vehicles, we (or society says we) have so much else to accomplish, do and think about, such as making sure we do not hold up traffic, embarrass ourselves, avoid rejection and most of all waste precious time and effort. "Just focus on your own damn journey and take care of JUST yourself."

Of course there is nothing wrong with that. I always teach my kids: "In my class there is no right, no wrong. Only possibilities." So I am not going to tell anyone to change the way he or she sees other drivers, vehicles, traffic, life or souls. I just wouldn't want to be told that if I were to travel with someone, I need to change the way I think because it is wrong or foolish. Then why not have someone else travel in my vehicle since my very soul is not desirable? Or travel with someone else. I am flexible and happy to follow but sometimes it would be nice if one could wait for me if I go a little slower, instead of reprimading or imposing deadlines on me.

And so I imagine we all have our roads in life, to take, to choose and to leave. But all to learn from. Sometimes when we find ourselves close to other travellers, and we disagree, we may end up going in circles. And the circle can be so small or so big that one loses all bearings and you can no longer see the road ahead, so much so you may not even realise this. Only when you take time, or a map, to discover, realise or learn this, will you be able to make the choice to leave that circle, alone or otherwise. Eventually, when you do, you can see the next part of your journey in life.

If I travel with someone, I would love and accept this fellow traveller unconditionally, appreciating and embracing all our differences. That hasn't, and will never, change. Yet recently, I tried to be perfect in someone else's eyes when I felt I was fed reason to believe I cannot be loved or accepted the way I was. I tried so hard that I was unaware that I had grown afraid and ashamed to be the real me when we travelled together. I submissively kept up with this other person's pace, ignoring my own. And then I finally saw what I have become. When I realised how my faulty behaviour was bad for both of us, I tried to state my claim of my vehicle and journey and yes, myself. Yet it is a struggle for I did not want to lose the other traveller.

But I know that if I honestly love and care for someone, I have to let him or her go without bitterness if there is no way I can bring this person the happiness he or she wants, needs and deserves. To keep this person in the circle would only be selfish. When my dear father passed, I knew he was in a safe place without the pain of illness. To keep him alive would be selfish. Without certainty, there is hurt and grief in such a loss. But I always recover, for love is stronger than any sadness and pain. Love doesn't die or evaporate, but enters different states or phases. That, I think, is why love can last and grow stronger and deeper.

How does one measure or calculate life, accomplishment, love and happiness? By what you get or what you give? I find that if I am always calculating then I am never free to truly give since I will always want something back. So I will give and give, as I always have, and I wouldn't take if nothing is given to me. And that is perfectly fine and makes my soul, me as a traveller, completely happy. Because in my analogy, nothing is taken (or kept) when the traveller leaves the car at the very end. No maps, no gifts, no money, no possessions, no car seats no matter how new or comfortable they still might be. I would walk out of the car with nothing, except for the memories of my experiences, and I imagine the fondest and strongest ones will be of lessons and love GIVEN, by me and to me.

Well, just my imagination. Running away with me.